The long and winding road
by supermegafoxtawesomehot
Summary: My post profiler profiled fic. Derek tells his family his secret and has to witness against Buford. Rated T for brief description of sexual abuse
1. Chapter 1

wrote this forever ago and just recently found it again so I decided to post it.

To those waiting for freedom: I am sorry if you got an author alert expecting an update on that story. I promise I have most of the next chapter written and it should be up soon.

Warning: contains a brief description of sexual child abuse in the second chapter.

I do not own criminal minds or any of the characters

Thank you to my beta jessalynnGSR. You rock!

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I had never felt as venerable as I did at that moment. Carl had been arrested and lead away in handcuffs, which would have been a welcome sight had it not been for the two men staring at me afterward. I didn't like being regarded as a victim. I am a freaking FBI agent. That's one of the reasons I didn't come forward sooner, that look they were both giving me.

I felt so ashamed. Not just because they know what he did to me, but also because I could have stopped it at any time. If I had been braver, James, and countless other boys wouldn't have had to go through what I did. I knew what Carl was doing and I did nothing. I can't change the past, but I am going to make damn sure it won't happen again.

I wanted to just melt into the floor and disappear, but I knew I had to face Hotch and Gideon at some point.

"Hotch," I started. "Do you mind if I take some time off? I want to stick around Chicago for a while."

"No problem, take as much time as you need," he replied instantly.

I started to walk away hoping that maybe, just maybe, I could get away before anything else was mentioned. But my hopes were dashed as Gideon called out.

"Derek!"

I turned and faced him.

"We work with a team of the best profilers in the world. So, I can't guarantee they won't piece together what happened, but I can guarantee they won't hear it from us."

That meant more to me than I could ever express. I wanted to say so but I didn't trust myself to speak; I just nodded and walked out the door.

I went straight to my mom's house; but the closer I got, the more dread crept into my heart. In the morning, the newspapers would be buzzing with the news that Carl Buford, an upstanding member of the community, had been arrested for murder and for abusing boys in his care. My family deserved to hear it from me, but I didn't even know how to start. I buried this thing for so long, and now it all came unraveled in an instant.

I knocked on the door and my sister Sarah opened it.

"Oh thank god," she started without preamble. "Mom he's here!"

I stepped inside just in time to be ambushed with hugs.

"Tell us everything that happened," my mom insisted.

"Can I have some coffee first ma? You know the crap they got down at the station…" I stalled.

I knew it was a weak move, but I just wanted a few more moments of normalcy before everything changed.

I sat down at the table with my coffee.

"What finally made them let you go, Derek?" Desiree asked me.

"Carl Buford." I told them. "He was arrested for the murder they were holding me for."

There was silence around the table before my mom asked, "Why would he kill that poor boy?"

"He was protecting himself." I paused for a moment, but it was now or never. "He was sexually abusing the boys at the youth center, and when Damon wanted one of the boys to come forward, he killed him to make sure he wouldn't talk."

"That's ridiculous," my mom objected. "There must be some mistake. Carl is a hero in this community. I mean look at you, you practically grew up with him and he didn't try anything with you."

I cleared my throat to tell them the truth, but I lost my nerve. My mom and sisters looked at me waiting for me to say something but I couldn't.

Comprehension dawned on Desiree's face first.

"Oh my god," she whispered.

"Derek, _did_ he do anything to you?" Sarah asked me intently.

Again, I didn't say anything. They took my silence as a confirmation

Anger flashed in my moms eyes and I knew all hell was about to break loose.

"I am going to kill him!" she screamed as she jumped up from the chair.

I knew she wasn't just spouting threats; she was after blood. She may not look very intimidating, but having to raise three kids, alone, in downtown Chicago… My mother was a tough cookie.

"Ma, he's in prison," I started. But I couldn't get a word in.

"I don't care; prison is too good for him. I would give anything to be in a room alone with him for ten minutes. There better be a special place in hell for people like him."

I knew I had to calm her down, so I grabbed her arm and slowly sat her back down.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Desiree asked me. "We could have stopped it."

"I know," I replied. "I wish more than anything I could go back and change it, but I was 13 years old. I felt scared, ashamed, confused… guilty. I didn't want anyone to know what he was doing to me. Especially not you guys."

"Thirteen. You were 13 when it started…" my mom muttered.

"I want to stay here for his trial. Is that okay?" I asked.

"Of course, you don't even have to ask Derek," she told me.

"Listen, I'm really tired you guys, and I'm taking James Barfield down to the station tomorrow to give his formal statement. I'm going to head off to bed. I just want to make sure there aren't going to be any lynching parties breaking into the prison tonight."

They all scoffed but I continued.

"I want him to have to go through a trial and have his name raked through the mud. I want him to have to account for everything he did, and that can't happen if he's dead."

They still didn't look convinced.

"Do you know what happens to child abusers in prison? Believe me, it's worse than anything you can do to him."

"Fine, but we're going to be there during the trial," I was told sternly.

I didn't want them there; to hear all the terrible things he did to me, but I really had no choice. I knew they would go anyway. That's what family was for.

"Okay," I sighed and I walked up the stairs.

So, the worse part was over, and I was a bit relieved to finally have everything out in the open.

I had been bottling it up for so long it was consuming me. I knew there was a long journey ahead, but at that point I couldn't help but feel a little bit hopeful.

Hopeful that Carl Beufferd would get everything he deserved.

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I hope you liked it.

I may be temping fate by juggling so much but i also have a multi chapter chuck fanfic waiting to be published . It is about Bryce meeting chuck and there Stanford days. However I promised myself I would update freedom first

See that little button right below this. Please click it…. You know you want to :)


	2. Chapter 2

Ok so this is the final chapter as of now but I may do one more about him telling the rest of the team if you guys want me to so let me know.

I dont own criminal minds and... ya on with the story

and thanks to my beta, you are amazing

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**One week later**

"Are you ready James?" I asked as he got into my car.

"No…" he told me, resigned to the fact he had no choice.

"It's going to be fine. The lawyer just wants to go over your testimony for court tomorrow. I will be there the whole time," I reassured.

"Okay," was all he replied.

I put my hand on his shoulder as we walked through the sliding glass doors of the lawyer's office and into a room full of chairs. We sat down and waited for the prosecutor to finish up what he was doing and come to meet us.

"James Barfield," we heard a voice announce a few minutes later.

James stood up.

"That's me."

We both walked over to the slightly balding man who had summoned us and he ushered us inside his office door.

"Hello James, my name is Hector Gonzales. I am going to talk you through everything that's going to happen tomorrow. Alright?"

"Okay," James said nervously.

Hector then turned to me.

"Are you James's legal Guardian?"

"No," I told him. "His mother had to work, so I offered to bring him down here."

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to stay outside while were doing this," he apologized.

I glanced over at James, only to find him looking at me with panic-stricken eyes. I directed my attention back to Hector.

"Listen, I know it's not protocol, but I think James would really prefer it if I am in here for moral support."

"I can't allow that."

I took a deep breath and lowered my voice.

"I went through the same thing," I told him, fleeting a look at the open office door leading back into the waiting room.

"Carl Buford?" he asked.

I confirmed with a sullen _'yes'_.

He looked around and quickly stood and closed the door.

James was doing great. We were about half way done when he mentioned that Damien wanted him to call me, because I was FBI.

Gonzales turned to me suddenly, looking as though he had an idea.

"You're FBI?"

"Yeah, why?" I asked.

"Would you mind testifying as well? It would hold a lot more weight with the jury coming from an FBI agent."

Panic almost over took me. My stomach dropped to my toes and I sputtered out a sentence, almost too quickly.

"Well, the statute of limitations has been expired for at least 15 years."

"You can still testify to what he did, we just can't charge him for it. We need James for that."

I looked at James for a second. I didn't want to have to face Carl, but James was depending on me to be 'Derek Morgan: the Indestructible FBI Guy'. It would be hypocritical of me to push him to testify and not be willing to do it myself. Besides, I couldn't let this monster go free and hurt other children.

I decided the days of me being too scared to speak out were over. If testifying to what he did to me would help put him away, then so be it.

"Okay, I'll do it," I told them both.

The rest of the meeting went by in a blur. The same thoughts were pounding over and over in my head.

After all these years of keeping quiet, I was going to tell a room full of people how a man I trusted to protect me, violated me instead.

As soon as the meeting ended I dropped James off at his house and headed home.

When I walked through the door my mom walked over to me.

"Are you ready for the trial tomorrow?" she asked.

"As ready as I can be, all things considering," I replied.

"What do you mean?"

"They want me to testify."

"I'm sorry baby. It will be tough, but maybe this will be good for you; to face him once and for all."

"Yeah, probably. I just don't want you guys hearing me describe what happened."

"Just know I will always love you Derek, no matter what. That will never change."

I pulled her into a hug.

"I know. Thanks mom."

I took the stairs to my room and lay on my bed.

'_Tomorrow is going to be a long day_,' I thought. _'Might as well try and get some sleep.'_

I failed miserably of course, but in my defense, I tried.

The next morning I stood in front of the bathroom mirror with my hands on the sink, just staring at my reflection. I looked like death. I felt shaky and slightly nauseous, but even more determined.

I had to do this.

I took a shower, which helped a little; and I actually looked like a human being by the time I got my suit on.

I went downstairs and put some bread in the toaster, knowing my stomach couldn't handle much more than that. Everyone was sitting at the table. There was silence for a long moment, each person in the room being too wrapped up in their own thoughts to utter so much as a word.

My mom was the first one to speak.

"I think we should all drive together, and then maybe we can go to Red Robin afterwards."

I had to smile a little at that. It was just like my mom to try to fix everything by going to my favorite restaurant. Though I did feel a little better at the thought.

"Sounds good mama," I told her and kissed her cheek.

"We should probably get going," Sara added. "We have less that an hour."

With that sentence my heart dropped back in the pit of my stomach, any cheerful feelings plummeting along with it.

What was said in the car, I may never know; I was so lost in my own world. And the first thing I did hear failed to comfort me.

"We're here."

We walked in the doors, sat down on the seats, and just waited.

I had testified at many trials before, so I knew the protocol.

But this one was different; this one was personal.

Suddenly, my name was called and my breath hitched. But I stood up and walked to the podium.

I looked up and saw Carl in the front row. He had a smug smile on his face, like he was about to get off on hearing us re-live our stories. Seeing him there made me realize I wasn't nervous anymore.

I was pissed. I wanted that bastard nailed to the wall.

I kept my eyes on my family the entire time; I wasn't about to let my anger get the best of me and say something stupid.

"Can you state your name for the record?" the prosecution began.

"Derek Morgan."

"And you work for the Behavioral Analysis Unit of the FBI."

"That's correct."

"How do you know the defendant, Carl Buford?"

"He ran the youth center I attended for several years when I was a kid."

"During that time did he ever molest you?"

"Yes"

"When did it start?"

"When I was 13. He took me to his cabin in Wisconsin to go fishing and camping."

I had to look away from my family to keep going.

"He served me alcohol and told me to go skinny dipping with him. He had brushed up against me before, so I was a little uncomfortable. But he was my mentor and I trusted him. All he did then was look, but that night he came into my room and touched me… everywhere. I pretended I was asleep. The next night it happened again… and he made me touch him."

I chanced a glance at my mom and sisters, and they all had tears in their eyes.

"How long did it continue?"

"Until I was 17. The day I turned 18, I started training for the FBI. I came back home over the years to see my family, but I hadn't talked to Carl until a week ago."

"What happened then?"

"A boy named Damien Walters was murdered because he wanted another boy to step forward and testify against Carl. I knew then I just couldn't stay silent anymore."

"How did you know Mr. Buford killed him?"

"James Barfield told me."

The defense stood up and said, "Objection Your Honor, hearsay."

"Sustained. The jury will disregard the witnesses last statement," the judge agreed.

"I have no further questions, Your Honor. "

"Okay you may step down," the judge told me.

I sat back down with my family; my mom grabbed my hand and gave me a half hug.

James testified next, and he did a fantastic job. I couldn't have been any prouder of him. He said everything perfectly.

The jury disappeared for a total of ten minutes before they returned with a guilty verdict on all charges. Twenty years for the sexual abuse charges and 50 years for the murder of Damien Walters. With no eligibility for parole for quite some time, it could be said that he won't be getting out.

My spirit was a million times lighter. It was difficult, but in the end I didn't regret testifying at all.

Dinner was a little awkward at first. But soon we were laughing and joking, just like old times. I knew things would never fully go back to normal, but I didn't mind. I was still _me_, and my family knowing my secret, didn't change that.

Instead, it opened up the doors of communication, and lifted a huge weight off my shoulders.

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Thanks for reading. Please let me know what you think


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